Self Esteem and Depression Group

Today was the first of ten weeks of a Self Esteem and Depression workshop.

I will start off by saying a part of this group is confidentiality; as such I will mention no names or any personal stories my fellow course mates might relate. This blog will only be about the course material and my personal feelings/reactions.

It was a bit awkward starting this week as we were all new to this and nervous and so on. The information was interesting though. The general guide to the course was the following:

How Low Self-Esteem Develops

Early Experience: events, relationships, living conditions which have implications for ideas about the self eg- Abuse; Neglect; Bullying; Rejection; being the ‘odd one out’.

Leading to…

The Bottom Line: Assessment of worth/value as a person. Conclusion about the self, based on experience eg- I am bad, I am worthless, I am stupid, I am not good enough.

Leading to…

Rules For Living: Guidelines, policies or strategies for getting by, given the truth of the Bottom Line Standards against which self worth can be measured eg- I must always put others first; if I say what I think I will be rejected; unless I do everything to the highest possible standard I will achieve nothing.

Leading to What Keeps Self-Esteem Going

Trigger Situations: Situations in which rules of living are, or may be, broken eg-being rejected; the prospect of failure; the possibility of being out of control.

This leads to the circle of Activation of the Bottom Line—>Negative Predictions/Anxiety—>Unhelpful Behaviour—>Confirmation of the Bottom Line—->Self-critical thoughts—>Depression which leads to Activation of the Bottom Line….

When I looked at this my first thought was “Okay…that’s my life…” well not really abuse and neglect but I did get a lot of bullying and situations that effected me as a kid. I part because I’m naturally sensitive, and I definitely felt like the odd on out. Everything else that follows….yeah….

We were then given a a chance to look at the five aspects map which relates to specific situations (we did getting ready to come to the workshop as an example) the map is below:

Situation
example: going to the workshop meeting

Thoughts & Images
Example: I should be able to cope, I’m going to make a fool of myself

Physical Sensations.
Shaky, nauseous, tight chest.

Moods/Emotions
Anxious, fear, panic,

Behaviours/What I did or didn’t do
sought reassurance, closed escape routes


This shows how these things feed into each other and it just cycles on an on and gets worse. But it can also cycle positively as well! Which is an important thing to remember.

It was a lot of information to take in, and in a lot of ways left me more anxious but it should be helpful in the long run. My homework from this was an activity diary where I have to record activity, mood, enjoyment and achievement.

I’m feeling bit overwhelmed by it all but at least one thing was cleared up for me. Before when I’ve gotten a bit better from my depression my wonderful supportive husband turns into a bit of a dick. Apparently that’s normal because when one person is going through voluntary change it puts their partner through change as well which is kinda forced on them. That causes them to push back subconsciously. A bit of a relief for the husband and me to know that it’s normal.

All in all…good first meeting but mildly terrifying.